The Pointy Pen

Holy Cow, Is It Cold!

2010-01-05T19:36:00.004-06:00

My part of Texas isn't supposed to get too cold: to us, a 20F low is ridiculously cold...not to mention rare.

Later this week, though, the weather's really going to suck. I really don't remember the last time we hit the teens as a high or a low, to be honest.

I'll be bundled up in every piece of warm clothing that I own because I don't have proper, arctic gear - unlike those of you who are sitting there thinking, "Teens for a low? That's IT? What a weenie." While I'm doing that, I'll also be waiting for somebody to bring up global warming...because that person's getting a shot right to the face for his or her stupidity.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Yaddah, Yaddah, Yaddah

2009-12-30T20:49:00.002-06:00

I hope that everyone had a great Christmas - and that the new year is awesome, too.

I'm not really one to make New Year's resolutions because I figure that, if I feel the need to make a change in my life, I should just go ahead and start doing it. Why wait until January first if I find a problem in October?

Even so, I do resolve to spend more time on the pistol range in the New Year. That shouldn't be a difficult one to keep, as it's equivalent to me resolving to eat more Little Debbies or drink more Mountain Dew.

Update Bookmarks...

2009-11-15T16:56:00.002-06:00

...if anyone's still reading (can't blame you if you aren't, 'cause I've been way too busy with regular ol' life to update this blog), you should probably update your bookmarks. I'm not going to renew my domain name when it expires because, hey, that's effort - and I can spend the ten bucks on cigarettes.

Hit up this blog at http://likeiknowwhatimdoing.blogspot.com in the future, if you would.

Hopey-Changey Artist Lies (Surprise, Surprise).

2009-10-17T17:21:00.002-05:00

Artist Shepard Fairey (haaaaa!) – the numbskull responsible for creating those nifty “HOPE” posters for Obama’s campaign of doom – admits that he totally lied about which Associated Press photo he used for his nifty little art piece. Oh, that’s totally, you know, his bad.

As if that isn’t sad enough, the dude is also a vandal. Oh, now there’s some art I can believe in.

Read! Because "They" Say You Shouldn't.

2009-09-27T15:24:00.003-05:00

It's Banned Books Week again, folks, so let's consume some of that evil literature! Take the coming week to enjoy a book that "they" - whiny parents, mostly - successfully or unsuccessfully challenged. See what that book's all about, for yourself, before you make a decision about it one way or another. Read. Think. Learn. It's fun. Trust me.

Some of my favorite banned books include:

"1984" by George Orwell. Big Brother, the Thought Police, total government control...it's all here. On a related note, you might like Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" - another novel about oppressive government.

"The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain, a.k.a. Samuel Clemens. Apparently, writing a realistic novel set in a time when people dropped N-bombs and owned slaves is...bad. Heaven forbid we keep American history in our minds by reading about it, right? That might, you know, offend someone.

"The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger. Yes, Holden - the main character - is an antisocial, swearing twit...but that's what makes him so likable if you're the right age when you pick it up for the first time. I loved this novel when I was in my early teens, and still enjoy rereading it every now and then.

"A Clockwork Orange" by Anthony Burgess. Yeah, the film was all right, but the book is a lot better - as is typically the case.

"A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. Seriously...this was challenged? I can't even begin to understand why that would be the case, but whatever.

The "Harry Potter" series. Say what you will about the series or the author, but you can't deny that J.K. Rowling convinced an entire generation of people all over the world to put down the video games, DVDs, and computers and READ.

Oh, and Stephen King novels tend to receive challenges. Even though I'm not a big fan of most of his latest work, his older books are still great reads. I'd give "Dolores Claiborne" and "The Stand" priority if you're trying to get into King, but you might also like "Carrie" as it's classic Stephen King.

Enjoy the reading!

All hail our dear leader!

2009-09-24T23:18:00.003-05:00

Michelle Malkin’s site has two pieces about a disturbing Obama rap performed by children in New Jersey. As if you parents needed another reason to homeschool.

Personally, if I had kids, I’d teach ‘em this ditty right here:

(The "Obamination" video comes to us, by the way, courtesy of SilenceDogood1978).

GM's New Deal

2009-09-15T10:37:00.001-05:00

~~Government~~ General Motors is now offering American auto buyers a seemingly-sweet deal: if you find yourself disliking your new ride within thirty to sixty days, you can return it for the big pile of money that you paid for that piece of crap (minus applicable taxes, naturally).

Of course, it really doesn’t matter how sweet a GM deal seems, because taxpayers with new GM vehicles are, you know, buying the same car twice.

Kanye West: Thug Trash in Nice Clothes

2009-09-14T21:27:00.003-05:00

You can dress up a dog turd all you want, but it's still a dog turd. The same idea applies to Kanye "I have no class" West: dress him up in overpriced clothes all you want, but he's still a street thug. He's still common trash, without any ability or desire to act like a civilized human being.

First of all: Taylor Swift didn't have jack squat to do with Kanye West, or with the rap/hip-hop genre. This wasn't some ridiculous little rapper beef thing at all - not, of course, that I would condone acting like a complete jerk at an awards ceremony because one dude has a problem with someone else.

Secondly: Kanye's blogged apology does not mean diddly squat to me. I can do all sorts of rotten things to other people, say that I'm sorry, and not be truly remorseful. I can come to your house; poke your right eye; mutter "Sorry" and then poke your left eye. How sincere was my apology? Yeah, that's what I thought.

This is NOT Kanye's first incident of this sort, and it probably won't be his last. If he were truly repentant, he would not continue interrupting people, verbally trashing them, and otherwise acting like the gutter trash that he insists on being.

Thirdly: His music sucks anyway. If I wanted to listen to some jackass babble about how freaking awesome he is, I'll sign up for another class with Professor Self-absorbed. That would cost me more money, granted, but I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about myself if I did that - versus spending even ten cents on any of Kanye's egotistical drivel.

Of course...how seriously can you take a grown, allegedly-heterosexual dude who puts a friggin' teddy bear on his album covers?

---

Now that I've said all that, I'd like to add that Beyoncé Knowles showed real class after Kanye acted in his typical, trashy fashion. Even though I honestly could not give less of a crap about MTV, or their awards ceremonies, I'm glad that someone with such a kind heart and good attitude scored "Video of the Year."

Weirdness Abounds.

2009-09-14T12:43:00.003-05:00

So I'm home from class today because my private road flooded. Frankly: Even though I do enjoy school, and do like actually attending classes, I'm not going to attempt to drive any vehicle over a flooded road, especially when you consider the fact that this section of our road is flooded because there's a creek underneath it. I can think of better, less painful ways to die than drowning, thank you very much. Or, you know, being impaled on one of the numerous sharp, pointy sticks and other debris scattered all over the creek.

In other weirdness: Rodney King recently beat the snot out of a cop...and totally got away with it, because they were doing "Celebrity Boxing."

Ripoff!

2009-09-13T20:55:00.003-05:00

My $130.00+ math book does not, in fact, speak the answers to me...or come with a built-in calculator, even. Ripoff! The good news is that, because this edition is brand new (it's copyrighted 2010, if you can believe it), I can pass on said textbook to one of my brothers should he decide to take the same course. (He might...he has to have math classes to fulfill his degree plan, and this would be a free book to him.)

Another ripoff of late: Scrabble Slam. This card game sucks. You have to use both sides of the playing card, for starters, because there's either a letter or a blank printed on each side. Also, you have to deal out all of the cards at the beginning of the game. That would be fine if you had at least four players but, with fewer, there are just too many cards to hold AND see clearly.

Oh, and the basic premise is to change the current, four-letter word to some other, four-letter word, and do it quickly - you race against the other players instead of taking turns like civilized adults. Mom and I are in complete agreement that this was a big, fat waste of my five dollars. Too bad, because I was really hoping to be able to kick Mom's butt at SOMETHING even LOOSELY related to Scrabble.

On the other hand: the dice version of Phase 10 is a lot of fun. If you like Yahtzee! and Phase Ten, consider this to be their unholy lovechild. A lovechild with a mostly-useless score pad (the sections are really, really tiny), but a fun lovechild nonetheless.

Suck at Math? Here's Free Help!

2009-09-10T23:22:00.003-05:00

One of the most-useful sites I've ever stumbled across is Khan Academy: a series of video tutorials that cover quite a bit of the math that you might need or want to master, from the SATs to algebra to a bunch of other concepts.

Did I mention that these video tutorials are free to view? Yeah, that was the selling point for me, too.

Dear Fellow Smokers:

2009-09-06T16:57:00.000-05:00

Being one of you, I’m the first to recognize our right to partake of ye olde coffin nails. Because we’re Americans, and therefore free citizens, we have the God-given right to poison ourselves over an agonizingly-long period of time (decades, usually), and at great personal expense. Why we do this is beyond me, but still: a right’s a right, even when it’s self destructive and just plain dumb.

However, I have a difficult time standing up for any of my fellow fag suckers when some of us do the most socially-retarded and inconsiderate crap.

The. World. Is. Not. Our. Ashtray.

If you want to put your cigarette butts on your car’s floorboard, or on your front lawn, go right ahead. If you want to throw them into your toilet, be my guest. Stick them up your nose for all I care. Your property, your rights, right?

However, don’t do stupid crap like, oh, throw the butt into the windshield-washer-fluid bin at the gas station. That’s just disgusting, to look into that bin and see hundreds and hundreds of soggy, gross-smelling bits of tobacco floating atop the scummy water…along with a bloated, brown filter. Do you really think that ANYONE wants to clean his or her windshield with that crap? Would YOU want to clean YOUR windshield with it? No and no. Use an ashtray.

Speaking of ashtrays: What in the world is wrong with the smokers who dump the whole thing out BESIDE the trash can? Are you insane? Are you the world’s biggest jerk? Or are you just too stupid to understand how to perform such complicated tasks as upturning your car’s ashtray over, instead of beside, the proper receptacle?

Finally, if you’re in a position that encourages you to bum cigs off other people, don’t be picky. Either accept my non-filter, all-natural cig or go buy your own. Quit giving me the cat-butt face when I generously offer to help you out…or quit mooching.

You know what sucks about MS Word?

2009-09-04T18:36:00.002-05:00

You know what I really hate about MS Word? Besides the obvious answer that the '07 version was designed by a team of crack-addicted monkeys?

Clippy. I despise that insolent little paper clip and his smarmy, "May I help you, moron?" attitude. Like I REALLY need an animated office supply's assistance to draft a letter. And it's NOT like I asked for his help in the first place - but there he is, waiting to pounce on my Word document until I turn off his "helpfulness."

However, there's hope. A contributor over at Cracked.com gives Clippy what he really deserves.

New Laws Are in Effect Tomorrow, Texans

2009-08-31T20:06:00.006-05:00

As is so often the case, Sept. 1 is the day when Texas' new laws go into effect. You can grab the press release, in PDF format, from the Department of Public Transportation's Web site. That covers the major, need-to-know stuff, not everything, but you get the idea.

Of course, if you think that I'm happy about most of the changes listed on that press release, you're probably a newcomer to this blog.

Joyce Carol Oates; Ted Kennedy; Chappaquiddick

2009-08-29T18:40:00.003-05:00

For a real piece of work, check out Joyce Carol Oates’ recent article about Ted "Stone Cold Killer" Kennedy:

'There are no second acts in American lives'– this dour pronouncement of F Scott Fitzgerald has been many times refuted, and at no time more appropriately than in reference to the late Senator Ted Kennedy, whose death was announced yesterday. Indeed, it might be argued that Senator Kennedy's career as one of the most influential of 20th-century Democratic politicians, an iconic figure as powerful, and as morally enigmatic, as President Bill Clinton, whom in many ways Kennedy resembled, was a consequence of his notorious behaviour at Chappaquiddick bridge in July 1969.

Yet, ironically, following this nadir in his life/ career, Ted Kennedy seemed to have genuinely refashioned himself as a serious, idealistic, tirelessly energetic liberal Democrat in the mold of 1960s/1970s American liberalism, arguably the greatest Democratic senator of the 20th century. His tireless advocacy of civil rights, rights for disabled Americans, health care, voting reform, his courageous vote against the Iraq war (when numerous Democrats including Hillary Clinton voted for it) suggest that there are not only "second acts" in American lives, but that the Renaissance concept of the "fortunate fall" may be relevant here: one "falls" as Adam and Eve "fell"; one sins and repents and is forgiven, provided that one remakes one's life.

Kennedy was 36, a senator from Massachusetts whose political career had been managed by his father Joseph Kennedy and facilitated by family wealth, as his expulsion from Harvard as an undergraduate for cheating on a final examination was rectified by family pressure. Like George Bush, another spoiled younger brother of a well-to-do and influential family whose subsequent success in politics had little to do with his own evident talent, intelligence, or ambition, Ted Kennedy was groomed for public office despite dubious qualifications.

At Chappaquiddick, having been drinking and partying with young women aides of his brother Robert Kennedy, Senator Kennedy, at this time a married man and a father, slipped away with 28-year-old Mary Jo Kopechne, who was trapped in his car after he took a wrong turn off the Chappaquiddick bridge, lost control of his car which was submerged in just eight feet of water.

Kennedy chose to flee the scene , leaving the young woman to die an agonising death not of drowning but of suffocation over a period of hours. Incredibly, it was 10 hours before Kennedy reported the accident, by which time he'd consulted a family lawyer. The senator's explanation for this unconscionable, despicable, unmanly and inexplicable behaviour was never convincing: he claimed that he'd struck his head and was "confused" and "exhausted" from diving and trying to rescue the young woman and had gone home to bed.

There followed a media circus, as all of the world rushed to Chappaquiddick to expose Kennedy's behaviour and to speculate on his future. Yet, appealing to his lawyer and not rather seeking emergency help for the trapped Mary Jo Kopechne would seem, in retrospect, to have been a felicitous move.

If Kennedy had summoned aid, he would very likely have given police officers self-incriminating evidence, which might have involved charges of vehicular manslaughter or homicide. The local prosecutor was not nearly so outraged by Kennedy's behaviour as other prosecutors might have been: the charges were "failing to report an accident" and "leaving the scene of an accident." The punishment: two months' probation.

That the Kennedys had always been a family operating outside the perimeters of the sort of legal restrictions that bind other citizens to "moral" behaviour publicly, is well known; no occasion so exemplifies this than Chappaquiddick and the subsequent cooperative silence of the Kopechne family who agreed never to speak of the tragedy.

One is led to think of Tom and Daisy Buchanan of Fitzgerald's the Great Gatsby, rich individuals accustomed to behaving carelessly and allowing others to clean up after them. It is often in instances of the "fortunate fall", think of Joseph Conrad's anti-hero/hero Lord Jim as a classic literary analogy, that innocent individuals figure almost as ritual sacrifices is another aspect of the phenomenon.
Yet if one weighs the life of a single young woman against the accomplishments of the man President Obama has called the greatest Democratic senator in history, what is one to think?

The poet John Berryman once wondered: "Is wickedness soluble in art?". One might rephrase, in a vocabulary more suitable for our politicized era: "Is wickedness soluble in good deeds?"

This paradox lies at the heart of so much of public life: individuals of dubious character and cruel deeds may redeem themselves in selfless actions. Fidelity to a personal code of morality would seem to fade in significance as the public sphere, like an enormous sun, blinds us to all else.

Wow...man. That's, like, deep...and, you know...trippy, man.

So...in other words...it's totally okay to cruelly cut off a young woman's life, as long as you spend the following decades doing "good" things. You don't have to be sorry, and you can allow your worthless, oxygen-thieving family to help you stay out of trouble, but it's all good anyway, because you're obviously more special, influential, and important than the likes of Mary Jo Kopechne.

H/T to Snark and Boobs for this’n.

Ted Kennedy; Legacies

2009-08-26T09:08:00.003-05:00

When the media broke the news of Ted Kennedy's death earlier today, I thought about legacies.

We each leave some sort of legacy - even those of us who aren't popular, or big on doing or saying lots of things to lots of people.

What sort of legacy will we each leave when we die? How will people remember us? What will they say to each other about us when they find out that we're gone? What, if anything, will be said about us twenty years after the funeral?

It's just one of those things that came to mind today, that's all.

Yep...They're Definitely in Charge

2009-08-20T16:33:00.009-05:00

You know that your cats are in charge when they kick over their water dish - on purpose, of course - then proceed to sit by the spilled water and stare at you, as if to say: "So, what are you waiting for? Get over here and fill up the dish. What, you think we're gonna drink FLOOR WATER? Human, please."

In other news: I bought my math book today. $130.00 plus tax. For that much money, this sucker better have a built-in calculator that speaks the answers aloud.

Sit Down, Shut Up, and Listen

2009-08-12T13:09:00.001-05:00

If our politicians would follow that advice during these town-hall meetings, I think that most people, if not everyone, would get a chance to express their opinions – and we wouldn’t have nearly as much of the yelling and general discontent that’s running through these meeting places.

The hired help doesn’t want to listen to the boss, though. Instead, they’re telling us what’s best for us, and that we need to just let them do their jobs. The last time I checked, they work for us, so shouldn’t they be listening to us – not the other way around? I think so.

I suggest that we ALL make sure that we’re registered to vote – go ahead and take care of that right now if necessary – and be ready to vote to fire the worst offenders when the polling places open. If you try to tell your boss how to run the place, do you still have a job? No. Why, then, should our employees keep their gigs? They shouldn’t. Screw them – they’ve run the show long enough, and they’re blatantly disregarding their employers.

In the meantime, it would help if we all remembered that everyone else has the same First-amendment rights that we possess. We can’t shout down anyone at town-hall meetings. We can’t accuse others of hiring plants. We can’t do these things and NOT look like jackasses when we complain about similar, or identical, things being done to us in return.

Keep things as civil as possible until the voting booths open, folks.

The king! The king! He's alive!

2009-08-09T22:35:00.005-05:00

Far be it from me to make fun of people for thinking outside of society's usual, accepted boundaries. Creative thinking, after all, is how mankind conceived such kick-ass things as:

The U.S. Constitution
Barbed wire
Semi-automatic handguns
Claymores
The Browning Automatic Rifle

So forth, so on, et cetera, you get the idea...

But there are times when the creative thinking just doesn't work for me.

Tonight, I present Michael Jackson Death Hoax*, a Web site devoted to the idea that the King of Pop's untimely, drug-induced death is, in fact, a publicity stunt and, therefore, not real.

Although some of the points that the writer(s) bring up on this site make you go, "Hmm," I'm not buying it. I'll believe that I really DID see Elvis at that Valero station in Tyler, Texas a few weeks ago before I'll believe that MJ is lurking somewhere on this planet.

* Also known as Michael Jackson Hoax Death because, apparently, the site's creator can't decide which word order he/she prefers.

A Few Good Snitches for The Party

2009-08-06T10:18:00.004-05:00

On Tuesday, there was an interesting post on the White House blog. I won’t bother going into details, because I took a screen capture – might as well just let you see for yourself. I find the whole thing rather disturbing:

"He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother."

- George Orwell, "1984"

VBS...over...finally...

2009-08-02T14:22:00.000-05:00

Vacation Bible School is over! Yay! Our church is very small, and had only about a dozen kids every evening, but we’re all exhausted anyway. My feet are worn right out from standing in the kitchen every evening for a few hours straight, and I will be thrilled if I never see some of those bratty kids again.

We had Spoiled Brat, the nine-year-old who resorts to bawling when she doesn’t get her way. She threw fits throughout the week because the adults kept telling her “No” – and most of us made it stick. She wasn’t allowed to get into the dunking booth on Family Night because she’s too small. When she tried to get in after being told “No” more than once, by more than one adult, someone saw her and told her to get down. She was bawling before her feet touched the grass.

There was Jerk, the ten-year-old brat who went into the kitchen after I’d already closed down everything. He’d been given a sno-cone during his snack break, just like everyone else, but wanted another one. Having been told “No” already, he decided to sneak in. I caught him with the bag of ice out on the counter and a Sytrofoam cup in one hand.

Even if I didn’t care that he was trying to pull an end run on me, we were borrowing an industrial sno-cone machine. Those suckers, in case you don’t know, are pretty sweet. They have lots of sharp blades inside and a large, electric motor to turn them. Like I really want to hose Jerk’s blood and bits of finger and bone out of the sno-cone machine.

Most of the helpers had at least one run in with Monster from Hell, the ten-year-old boy who did everything he could to piss off everyone. He trash talked his age group’s leader. During prayers, he stepped on peoples’ feet and made faces at the adults. When he wasn’t busy doing these things, he was running around like a monkey on crack, finding small objects to put in his mouth. The adults finally had enough when he started putting brads – the metal bits that you use to put pieces of paper together if you want to, say, make a fake clock with movable hands to teach your child how to tell time – in his mouth. Like anyone at the church really wants to rush this monster to the emergency room for surgery.

None of this seems too bad, I know, but we all put up with it every night for a week straight. All of the bratty kids were pulling their stunts at once, too, which made it kind of difficult to keep an eye on everyone. All of the helpers had both hands full pretty much nonstop, and it gets tiring after the first evening or so.

But to be completely honest, I’m not annoyed at the kids so much as I am at their so-called parents. I’m not a mother, and have no desire to become one later. But I know many, many parents, and the ones who really love their kids take the time to teach them that “No” means “No.” The kids who are truly loved are taught to obey their parents, and to be respectful. They’re taught that they aren’t special enough to circumvent social courtesies like waiting their turn and throwing away their empty cups after snack time. Their parents really care about them, and this is evident by the fact that these adults spend so much time and effort teaching the kids how to be functional, welcomed members of society.

Then you have the parents who just don’t care enough about their kids to do much beyond yelling, or making threats that never stick. I saw a lot of these unloved kids all week long, and I feel a little sorry for them even though they did nothing but tick me off.

My sibs and I are blessed because Mom loved us so much when we were kids – and she still loves us. She spanked us when we disobeyed her. She took away things that we loved when we didn’t do what we knew was right. She told us that she loved us at least once every day, and she made sure that we all had everything that we needed. Mom did a lot of great things for us all, but I think that the best thing she did for me personally was to make her “No” stick almost every time.

The Federal Government is Awesome

2009-07-28T00:39:00.002-05:00

When you catch yourself thinking that it’s a good idea to let the federal government run yet another aspect of our lives, ask yourself this:

What federal program in America’s history has turned out for the best in the long run? Have the feds actually done anything that’s cost effective, efficient, and truly useful?

The first thing that comes to mind is The Manhattan Project. From my perspective - i.e. the winning side - this turned out to be a pretty-good venture. Oh, sure, it cost billions, but the project worked.

Then again, we were trying to kill hundreds of thousands of people, and jack up their descendants for as many generations to come as possible – not solve peoples' problems.

Now, if I wanted the feds to annihilate a country or two, I'd cheer them on until one of my lungs collapsed. Their track record proves that they're freaking awesome at this. They fail only at, you know, pretty much everything else.

Emo Cowboys

2009-07-24T18:26:00.002-05:00

I had no idea, until earlier today, that there is such a thing as an Emo Cowboy. Now, though, I’ve seen it with my own eyes (which, by the way, are bleeding, thank you for asking).

The Emo Cowboy look involves clunky sneakers (no color but black will suffice), skinny jeans, a giant t-shirt, and a miserable frown. A pale face is, of course, a plus.

Add a knee-length, imitation-leather duster (black, of course), and a felt cowboy hat (sans hatband and, naturally, black) to the ensemble and you’re near the goal. To go from Cowboy in Sneakers to Emo Cowboy, you must let your dyed-black hair grow out, then chop off the left half, leaving the rest free to obscure your right eye. You earn extra points if your unnaturally-dark hair is naturally curly, creating a depressingly-dark corkscrew over your hidden eye. Then, cover your lonely, exposed eye with mascara a la “A Clockwork Orange.”

But be aware that, if you’re shuffling along the sidewalk in our little, redneck town, with your sad little head down, wearing your Emo Cowboy getup, people are going to gawk. This is particularly true if you’re a) seemingly of the male gender, and b) wearing what is clearly a female’s cowboy hat.

I would have gotten a picture, but I just couldn’t – I was a little too far away for my camera phone to be of any use, and I would have had to shoot through the car’s side window, which wasn’t exactly clean. Oh, well.

P.S. I did a bit of research and discovered that "Emo Cowboy" is a phrase describing an emo kid who wears a bandanna around his neck. Sadly, the Emo Cowboy I saw earlier today sported no bandanna...but he WAS on his way to Walmart, where he could fix that little problem if he felt the urge to do so.

I Can Has Pizza?

2009-07-22T01:36:00.001-05:00

Our stove died, like, a week and a half ago, so I have been without pizza for a bit longer than usual. We’re at critical mass here, folks, because a Sarah without supreme pizza is a Sarah you really, really don’t want to be around.

I would gleefully urinate in Nancy Pelosi’s Botox stash for just one slice – with all the Canadian bacon, bell peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, and plenty of mozzarella. Oh, man. I guess that I could go to Pizza Hut, but a) their food sucks, and b) well, do we really need a “b” when “a” is a pretty-good reason?

Then again, I would do that peeing-in-the-Botox thing anyway, pizza or not.

Just saying.

Goodbye, Mr. McCourt

2009-07-19T21:14:00.002-05:00

Frank McCourt died today at age seventy-eight. He's already missed.

"Angela's Ashes" was one of the first truly-wonderful memoirs that I read - and McCourt's amazing, detailed, hilarious writing made it easier for me to see the power that creative nonfiction can possess.

Thank you, Mr. McCourt, for the fantastic writing.