Today, we have a graph-by-graph snarkfest, courtesy of a group of parents who don't understand what "No" means - much less how to teach this concept to their offspring.
Meltdown fallout: some parents rethink toy-buying
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
NEW YORK – In a season that inspires earnest letters about toys, one notable batch is being sent not by kids to Santa's workshop but by parents to the executive suites of real-world toy makers.
The letter-writing initiative was launched by the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, which says roughly 1,400 of its members and supporters have contacted 24 leading toy companies and retailers to express concern about ads aimed at kids.
Novel idea: Turn off the TV. The fewer hours your offspring spend planted on the couch, the fewer commercials they'll watch. Get your butt off the Internet and go play with your kids for a change. It won't kill you. I promise. Your all-important video games, e-mail, and IM sessions will still be there later. Trust me.
"Unfortunately, I will not be able to purchase many of the toys that my sons have asked for; we simply don't have the money," wrote Todd Helmkamp of Hudson, Ind. "By bombarding them with advertisements ... you are placing parents like me in the unenviable position of having to tell our children that we can't afford the toys you promote."
Because you, the parent, have no control over what your children watch, right? Toy marketers force you to make your kids watch TV, right? Of course. Those evil toy companies.
Again: Turn off the idiot box. There are far more creative, productive ways to have fun, and they don't involve these evil advertisements that you're so upset about.
The Toy Industry Association has responded with a firm defense of current marketing practices, asserting that children "are a vital part of the gift selection process."
Of course children are vital. They're the ones who will unwrap, and play with, the toys on Christmas Day. They're the gift recipients, so what they prefer is a huge part of deciding which toys to buy, or not buy.
"If children are not aware of what is new and available, how will they be able to tell their families what their preferences are?" an industry statement said. "While there is certainly greater economic disturbance going on now, families have always faced different levels of economic well-being and have managed to tailor their spending to their means."
Right. In the past, parents had this talk with their kids. It went something like this: "Honey, Santa can't fit all of these toys in his sleigh. He has to have room for other kids and their presents. Don't expect everything on your list to be here on Christmas Day. Now, let's go make some hot chocolate."
That's a long, elegant version of "No," but it works rather well, especially if you back it up with action. Don't tell your kid "No," then max out your Visa to get him everything that his little heart desires.
In recent conference calls with investors, toy company executives said they expect to suffer some holiday-season impact from the economic crisis, yet suggested their industry would be more resilient than many other sectors. The toy industry is commonly viewed as recession-resistant, due largely to the parent-child dynamic.
In other words: as long as spineless parents have credit cards and don't understand the power of "No," they'll continue buying every little thing their children want for Christmas. Appeasing the shortest people in the household really makes sense, considering that they're the ones who earn the money, and because they're
so capable of, like, beating you up if you don't keep them happy. Who's running the asylum again?
"Parents have trouble saying no," said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia sociology professor. She says parents often buy toys to avoid guilt and ensure their children feel in sync with school classmates.
Jimmy and Susie will make fun of my child if she doesn't have that doll. They'll tease my son if he doesn't get the new truck that all the other boys want. I'm proud to teach my children that, to fit in and be accepted, they have to be just like everyone else. Oh, my goodness - everything I just said has a bleating sound at the end of it. What's a "sheeple"?
"Even under circumstances of dire financial straits, that's the last thing parents give up," said Pugh. "They'll contain their own buying for themselves before they'll make their child feel different at school."
Because, you know, FEEEELINGS are everything. Let's not teach children that a) it's okay to be different, and b) they can stand up for themselves if brats want to make fun of them. Heaven forbid we rear a generation of resilient individuals, versus bleating sheep.
Amanda Almodovar says she encounters such families in her work as an elementary school social worker in Alamance County, N.C., where homelessness and unemployment are rising.
That sucks. Being unemployed and/or homeless has to blow. Seriously.
"I had one parent who said she'd prostitute herself to get what her child wants," Almodovar said. "It's heartbreaking. They feel inadequate as parents.
Because goodness knows that Susie will feel better about her Mom being a hooker if she has that new doll. Way to destroy the family, skank. This isn't really about the kid's feelings. If it were, Mommy the Streetwalker wouldn't even consider prostitution - as that has a nasty mental effect on the kids. Mommy Dearest is concerned about HER feelings, and how her children see HER - not about their well being. Selfish skank.
"I try to tell them, worry about your home, your heating bill — but they're the ones who have to look into children's faces, the children saying 'I want this, I want that.'"
The heating bill? Pfft. Susie and Jimmy can play with their new Wii in the cold. They might shiver, and catch pneumonia if I let the heat stay off too long, but by God, they'll love me.
Even in some households not in fiscal crisis, there's a sense that this holiday season is different.
Ya think?
John Schenkenfelder, a financial adviser and father of three in Louisville, Ky., wrote a blog entry this month urging families to scale down their gift-giving and spend more time playing together.
A brilliant idea. I don't have 99 percent of the things that my family bought for me when I was a child. But I remember quite a few of the cool things that we did together. We built tree houses, played card games, played marbles, et cetera. The time that we spend with our loved ones stays with us a lot longer than the consumer goods. Especially the cheaply-made, Chinese garbage. That stuff breaks even before Jimmy and Susie can run up the street to shove their Christmas loot in their neighbors' faces.
"This has been bugging me for years, even when times were great," Schenkenfelder said in a telephone interview. "Maybe people will get it this year — they're so unprepared for this debacle. They're shell-shocked."
Yeah, this year has been kind of weird for many of us. However, why aren't parents saying "No" to their children even when times are good? Doesn't this object lesson apply regardless of how much, or little, is in Mom and Dad's bank account? Of course it does. But it's easier to indulge the little bratlings, and turn them into big brats later in life, when you can just swipe your debit card and not worry about the consequences, right?
In Columbus, Ohio, Erin Beth Dower Charron has been trying to brace her 4-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter for more subdued gift-getting this year as the family begins financial belt-tightening.
"Brace" them? Why? If you were doing your job, they'd already know what "No" means. They're four and eight: old enough to have a little self control, and understand that they can't get everything that they want.
Unless, of course, neither of them have been told "No," often, if at all. Oh, man, they're going to grow up to be those really annoying, whiny coworkers who throw toddler-like tantrums when the boss tells them that they can't switch schedules with a coworker. Great. Thank you so much for inflicting that on us.
"My 8-year-old is still holding out hope that Santa will get her that one special gift, but understanding this year may be different," Dower Charron said. "My son doesn't understand. Everything he sees, he wants."
Yes, well. I want all sorts of things too, but somebody took the time to teach me that I don't get everything I want.
Toy ads on kids' TV shows make the process harder, she said. "The onslaught seems to be more intense this year."
Of course the marketers are trying harder this year. They want to keep their doors open! And their customers (toy makers) want to stay in business. Obviously, with the economy being weaker than it was just a few years ago, companies are trying harder to land sales.
Dower Charron was among the hundreds of parents who took up the suggestion to write to toy companies.
Oxygen thief.
"Help me understand why your toy is the better one for my child, and why it should be one of the few I can afford," she wrote. "Don't leave that up to my children."
Don't leave the decision to your kids? Hello, lady! That's your job already - to decide what to buy for your kids.
You're the one who's leaving the choice up to them by catering to their whims.
The director of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, psychologist Susan Linn, said she and her colleagues don't expect toy companies to stop advertising — rather, they want the ads directed at parents.
Why? The toys are for the kids, right? Why would advertisers target parents?
"It's cruel to dangle irresistible ads for toys and electronics in front of kids — encouraging them to nag for gifts that their parents can't afford," she said. "It's just not fair."
Wah, wah, wah. I see irresistible ads every day. Advertisers want me to buy all sorts of neat things - new computers, plasma-screen TVs, luxury SUVs, nice firearms. I want all of those things, but you don't see me crying about how unfair it is that I can't have everything that I see on TV.
The big toy makers aren't likely to redirect their ads for one fundamental reason, according to Richard Gottlieb, a New York-based consultant to the industry.
"Toy companies advertise to children because it works, to be brutally honest," Gottlieb said in an interview.
Well, duh. Advertising to children is legal and effective. Why change tactics when things are working just fine as they are?
Gottlieb also contends that it's good for children to encounter toy ads — even in cases where products later turn out to be disappointments.
"It teaches, for very low stakes, how to navigate in our consumer culture," he said.
"They are going to have to spend the rest of their lives listening to every kind of marketing approach, and childhood is where they will learn to cope with it."
Exactly. That's a huge point. Kids are miniature consumers. As they grow up and earn/spend their own money, they'll be big consumers like you and me. The sooner they learn about impulse control, and making good buying decisions, the less likely they are to end up in major debt.
As for the economic pressure on parents, Gottlieb sounds a fatalistic note.
"Believe me, there are families with much bigger issues on their plates right now then worrying about whether their child will be unhappy because they did not get a particular toy," Gottlieb wrote in his "Out of the Toy Box" blog. "Delivering disappointment goes with the job of parenting."
Thank you, Mr. Gottlieb. Thank you for a simple, logical and truthful response to all this. You, sir, have a brain, and are apparently using it. May I clone you?
