Taking a friend shooting

I don't often get to take a friend shooting but, when I do, we usually have a great time.

As a gun owner and shooter, I feel that it's my responsibility to show other people, through my safe and competent firearms handling, that guns are, when safely handled, a lot of fun to use. They are, to some of us at least, great recreational tools. I for one love to put some lead downrange, and would get out there at least twice a week if I could afford that much ammunition.

When I take a friend to the range, I want to show her (sorry, but the friend is usually a fellow woman - hence, the female pronouns here) how much fun target shooting can be. That's why I set up the reactive targets. The steel plates make nice, big sounds when you hit them, then when they fall down onto their metal stands. This is more fun than putting a bunch of holes in a piece of paper, especially to new shooters. The falling plates give you a very clear, visual result, along with that satisfying clanging.

But I also want her to know that firearms can be dangerous if we aren't responsible. That's why, before we do anything else, we go over the four rules. When you consistently follow all four of these simple rules, you don't have to worry about a negligent discharge. Nobody's going to lose a toe, or worse, if you remember that the gun is loaded...if you keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction...if you keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire...if you're always aware of what's behind your target.

We're at the range to have a good time, but not at anybody's expense. Oh, hell, no. The rules are so easy to follow, and so easy to teach to others (even young children), that there's no excuse for not bringing them up as soon as we get to the range.

After a box or two of ammo, the friend is usually smiling, if only a little bit. She's hitting the targets more often than not, because I'm sure to give her the largest plates we have. I'm also sure to put her fairly close so that she stands a better chance of hitting the targets. Shooting is a lot more fun when you actually hit them.

By the end of the trip, she's usually glad that she came along. She's had fun, learned something new, and gained another topic of conversation.

And you thought that we womenfolk did our bonding at the mall. Heh.

Situational Awareness: Parking Lots

Even though the holiday-shopping season is over, we still need to watch out for criminals when we're out in public. Christmastime is a bad time of the year because the bad guys really like to hang out at malls and other stores. The places are packed nearly to the overflowing point, which means that the cretins have a better chance of finding good victims, dashing off with purses, jacking cars, et cetera.

But even though things have calmed down, there are still bad guys out there. As long as they're around, we have to pay attention.

Parking-lot safety is a big deal because this is a favorite place for bad guys to find their victims. Many shoppers are distracted, so it's easy for a criminal to sneak up and do whatever it is that he wants to do. But if we pay attention to our surroundings, we will discourage most criminals from even trying to mess with us.

Here's a fairly-long, but hopefully helpful, step-by-step rundown of parking-lot safety. Though my advice is gender-specific, the guys out there can benefit from some of it.

You should pick a good parking spot. This is not necessarily the closest to the door, though. The best parking spots are under lighting (after dark) and within eyesight of the store entrances. Don't park by the side of the building if you can avoid doing so: it's a good place for bad guys to linger and wait for lone victims to stroll by. If you can't help but park there, you will definitely need to pay extra attention to what's happening around you.

Before you unlock your car door, make sure that all of your crap is ready to go. Put your phone in your purse, take the face plate off your stereo, grab your grocery list, whatever. You do not want to sit there in the parking lot with your door halfway open, especially if you're distracted.

While you're still in the car, with the doors locked, you should subtly double-check whatever defensive weapon you're carrying. I take the opportunity to stealthily check my handgun and folding knife - just to make sure that they're exactly where they need to be. They're useless to me if I can't easily and quickly reach them.

When you walk up to the store, square your shoulders and stand straight up. Keep your eyes focused on the people around you. Don't stare: keep looking around. If you make eye contact, make sure not to lock eyeballs with anybody in particular. Some people see prolonged eye contact as a challenge. But brief eye contact, combined with strong body language, tells the people around you that you're paying attention and will not, therefore, make a good victim.

You should still pay attention once you're inside the store. People snatch purses (or worse) even though they're under the security cameras. Glance around at the people on "your" aisle while you're trying to grab your can of tomato soup. Take a quick inventory of the person who's standing behind you in the checkout.

And pay careful attention to your purse the entire time. More often than not, when I go to the grocery store, I see at least one woman who leaves her purse in her cart while she trots halfway up the aisle to grab something. Once, I saw a woman leave the purse with a little girl who was still small enough to fit in the "kiddy seat" part of the cart. She actually told this tiny girl, "Watch Mommy's purse," while she took off to go grab something. Why? I don't know. She did this even though I, a complete stranger, was standing all of two feet from her cart. This woman had no way of knowing what type of person I am. I could be a kidnapper or a purse snatcher. I'm not, but I could be as far as that lady's concerned.

Speaking of purse storage: I don't carry a purse, myself, but you can get one with a shoulder strap. Wear that thing across your body. That in itself discourages snatchers. You might get somebody who wants to try and pick out your wallet, but that's why you a) keep the purse zipped or snapped, and b) pay attention to the people around you.

So you've finished shopping and are standing in the checkout line. You should still be paying attention to the people around you. Make sure that you glance at the person in line behind you - and that you're keeping an eye on the people on the other side of the checkstand. You really don't want some random person to walk by, grab your wallet while you're in the middle of swiping your debit card, and take off. You'll never catch him - and neither will the security guard who's somewhere in the back of the store, watching the crime unfold on closed-circuit TV.

Getting across the parking lot with a bunch of purchases can be a real challenge. This is true even if you don't have children with you. But either way, you should pause while you're still inside the store to surreptitiously double-check your defensive weapon. Make sure that your pepper spray or Taser or handgun or whatever is still right where you need it to be.

You should also make sure that your car keys are already out. You should be ready to unlock your door as soon as you get to your car. If you have a remote-unlock button on your keychain, then be sure that you don't unlock the door before you can clearly see what's going on around your car. You really don't want a bad guy to slip into the back seat from the other side and wait for you.

Walk back to your car with the same confident body language that you telegraphed on your way in. If you have a hinky feeling, you should go back into the store and ask for an escort out to your vehicle. Many stores will provide one. If they don't, you can always hang around inside until the hinky feeling passes. Don't discount your gut instincts. They've saved many a life and kept countless people out of trouble in the past.

Unlock your car and start loading your purchases. Keep your purse on your person, though. Don't leave that thing in the kiddie seat of the shopping cart. Don't leave any other valuables there, either - your kids, your cell phone, whatever.

While you're tossing your bags into the trunk or back seat, keep glancing around. Don't become absorbed in your task. Look up every few seconds. That way, if somebody is watching you, he (or, sometimes, she) will see that you're paying attention. Most of the criminals that you'll encounter in a parking lot do not want hard targets. They'd much rather sneak up on a distracted victim. It's just easier. They're lazy asses: if they weren't, they'd have an honest job.

Now you should get into your car and lock the doors. Before you put the keys in the ignition, dig through your purse for your phone or cigarettes, or tune to your favorite radio station, you should go ahead and lock up. You also want to start your car and pull out of the lot as quickly as possible. Just sitting there makes you a better victim because you're distracted by whatever piddling task you're trying to finish before you pull away.

And while you're driving home, you should keep an eye on the cars around you. Make sure that nobody's following you home. If you think that somebody has been behind you for too many turns, don't go back to your house. Head for a safe place instead, like the nearest police station.

Yes, this was a long post. And yes, I'm sure that parts of it are a bit boring. But please trust me when I say that this is important. Right now, I'm teaching my younger sister how to keep all of these things in mind - and do them every time she leaves the house. I'm hoping that, by organizing my thoughts here, I can be a better teacher for her. And because everybody on the Internet has access to this post, I might help somebody else.

Tears as Weapons

One of my favorite responses to females over the age of four who use tears to manipulate others or get their way is:

Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

Sadly, I get to use this phrase at least twice a month. I ought to turn this response into an iron-on transfer, apply it to the back of my beloved black hoodie, and wear it for the rest of winter. That would save me so much breath - breath that I could devote to smoking, which is much better for my health than dealing with people who insist on using their salty facial emissions as weapons against other people.

When I injure myself, I will probably cry at least a little bit. If it hurts badly enough, I will even sit down and bawl like a toddler with a scraped elbow. I am not above crying when I am hurt - and I do not expect anybody else to be above it, either.

The same applies when I'm very sad or depressed. I've cried when my housecats died. I've cried when I felt like the entire world was pressing down on my head, crushing me into the dirt. I've cried when I broke up with guys that I didn't even like all that much.

I've cried tears of joy and tears of relief. I've cried because I was so touched by something that I couldn't help but leak around the eyes. I've cried because I was so mournful that I couldn't show my grief in any other way.

But I do not, and will not, cry in a manipulative manner. Anybody else who tries that crap gets zero tolerance from me. Seriously: I shut down that emotional blackmail before the little crybaby in question can even get a good, fake sob going. It's not cute. It's not appropriate. And it's certainly not acceptable.

When a female cries to get out of a speeding ticket, she's embarrassing and degrading all women. Men (and some women) then have a reason to think that we're weak, pathetic little creatures who can't help but cry like hungry infants just because the mean old cop pulled us over for doing 80 in a 55.

When somebody's boyfriend or husband doesn't want to go see a chick flick, weeping and wailing is not an acceptable response. Trying to guilt a guy into doing what we want is humiliating. Why debase yourself - and lower that man's opinion of women in general - when you have a perfectly good pair of big girl panties that you can put on while you work out a compromise with your guy?

Our ancestors rallied for our right to vote. We can hit the poll booths today because the suffragettes had the courage to stand up and tell the men in charge that they wanted equal rights. There was no crying. There was no pathetic, self-debasing weeping. There were no fake tears, dramatic sobs, or other manipulative, childish measures. The suffragettes marched, demonstrated, wrote, spoke, and demanded. They put on their big girl panties (probably granny panties or bloomers, knowing that era - no glitter-covered thongs for MY grandma, I'm sure) and dealt with it.

And just a few decades ago, women wanted equal rights in other areas of society. They wanted to work. They wanted fair pay. They wanted to go to medical school. So they stood up, dug their favorite big girl panties out of their drawers, and went to the streets to change the entire nation for the better.

When I look back on these changes - and on the women who pushed to make them happen - I can't help but sigh. Women are obviously capable of changing the world. We can surely change things. We can get what's fair and right. But we don't have to well up in fake tears or sob like soap-opera drama queens to do it.

The sooner we ALL realize this, and act accordingly, the more men will take us seriously.